On Being Courteous

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines courtesy as “polite behavior that shows respect for other people.” I was reminded of the importance of courtesy by a story an alumni parent recently shared with me. When he and his wife first toured the school, they met a student near the front entrance. The student was hurrying to class, yet he paused for a moment to greet them and hold the door for them to enter. This chance meeting made such a powerful first impression on the couple that they decided, then and there, that SCDS was the school for their two daughters. The pair went on to be active as parent volunteers and even to become trustees. Their daughters are now alumnae and as a family they remain involved in the life of our school. All because of a young person’s moment of courtesy.

 

At ieSonoma 2014, filmmaker Nirvan Mullick expressed that he had a life goal of doing something so special for someone else that it would change their life in a positive way. He succeeded the day he stopped at an auto parts shop for a used door handle and instead found himself playing arcade games constructed out of cardboard by 9-year old Caine Monroy. Mr. Mullick’s life changed that day when he gave a child the courtesy of listening and taking his ideas seriously. if you aren’t familiar with this story, I encourage you to watch the short film about the experience.

Social scientists have studied people who are polite and found that they are more successful. We understand this intrinsically. Courtesy makes interactions more positive and enjoyable. However, the practice of courtesy doesn’t just happen for kids. It happens when the adults in their lives consider it important and model the practice. It happens when we teach the importance of holding a door, shaking hands, making eye contact, greeting adults, saying thank you, making sure no one sits alone in class or at lunch, saying we’re sorry, and giving others the benefit of understanding when they make mistakes. These examples of courtesy were listed by our teachers as important before the start of school and behaviors I challenged our students to try at our opening day Assembly.

R.J. Palacio, author of 365 Days of Wonder, suggests in an essay entitled The Sandbox Virtues that when our children are young, as parents, we make politeness a priority. At some point, other priorities compete and may override our commitment to the practice. Yet, perhaps our focus should remain on teaching and reinforcing common courtesies, knowing their significance later in life. And especially in the delicate years of middle school when being respectful toward each other is vital. As a school, that is our aspiration for this year.

We have the opportunity each day to define our community through our words and actions, to choose to show courtesy to someone else when they least expect it, to hold the door open for a stranger and greet them warmly. In fact, our Pledge to Ourselves* reminds us:

This day is given to me, fresh and clear!
I can either use it or throw it away.
This is my life,
I promise to use this day to the fullest,
realizing it can never come back again.

What are other common courtesies? I invite you to discuss this topic as a family this week and throughout the school year. Imagine if we all made being polite a goal and even engaged in just one act of courtesy each day. Together, we will make this year a remarkable one!

Brad Weaver, Ed.D
Head of School

*Inspired by the pledge used at Community Preparatory School, Providence, RI